With Love and Strength for Each New Day

God will make a way - Don Moen

God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength
For each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness
He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today


Sometimes it's just all in the lyrics. I feel like this song represents where I've come from and where I'm going. God has been making my path for me all along when I never thought it possible. If you had asked me last year what my life would look like today.... I would have said I'd be in the education program, working part time, and helping with the children's ministry. I could not have even imagined that THIS is where I would be.
He holds me closely to His side and leads me where His path takes.
The bridge is especially true. Heaven and earth will fade... but His word will still remain. Isn't that an amazing promise? No matter what happens in our lives, we still have the assurance of Jesus.

He will do something new today. He always does, but the question is, do we see it? Do we notice what He has created for our pleasure? Clouds, sunshine, brisk air, falling leaves, beautiful fall colours, the frost in the morning, our warm breath meeting the cool air.... all His creation. Do we notice how beautiful these things are?

My challenge for you: Find the beauty in His creation... what has He made new today? It may be something we already know... but everyday things are new. His gift to us. Isn't God AMAZING?

Just Like Moses.

I was teaching the grade 1/2 sunday school class this week, when God decided to remind me who He is and to confirm that what I am doing is His plan.
My lesson was on Moses and how he brought God's people out of Egypt. The part that got me was when Moses is talking to God before the burning bush. God has just finished telling Moses that He has heard His people and their cries for help. God had a mission for Moses. He wanted him to go to Egypt and tell Pharaoh to let His people go. This is what Moses had to say: "Why did you choose me? I can't do that kind of job. I'm not even very good at talking to ordinary people, much less to the king of Egypt!" God replied: I'll be with you; and you can have your brother Aaron's help."
Who would have thought that Moses was scared? It's generally not the part of the story we remember. I see myself through this encounter. I'm not going to speak to Pharoah, but I can relate to Moses' fears. I myself am not good with talking to people. God has called me into ministry, but I have feared that I can't do it. Then God does something like that and He brings my perspective around again. I have a tendency to focus on my failures and faults without looking to God for help or relying on Him. His plan is far greater than I could ever imagine. All I have to do is trust, something that I am still learning how to do. It's not something that comes easily for me. Just ask my friends. :)
The comfort I find in Moses story is that God was always with him, no matter how hard things got or how discouraging it looked. God was watching out for His children. That means He is watching out for me, no matter how bad things are looking or how scary things can get... He is there, right beside me the whole way. When God calls us to do something, He never leaves our side. Isn't that a comforting thought?

I started reading the Boundless online articles a while ago... Here is one that I found interesting.

www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001196.cfm

Sometimes I wonder if you really care to listen to the people around you? Do you care enough to stop and make sure they really are 'alright' like they claim to be?

When God writes your love story

I started reading Eric & Leslie Ludy's book titled "When God writes your love story" a while back. It was recommended to me by a friend... and in return... I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone. The following is my reaction and thoughts to it. It helped me strengthen my choice not to date until God told me that it was time and showed me who I am supposed to be with.

Here is my reaction and thoughts to the book.

"How much am I willing to trust you God? I gave youmy future, can I surrender my love life too? Can I trust you with that God?

Think of each and every life as a boat, there are many rooms in every boat and they each have a locked door... we possess the keys, but when we surrender our lives to God, we give up the keys. When we crash into the living God, the encounter is certain to renovate every square inch on our life's boat. That's a scary thought. It's easy to give up most rooms at the begining... but as we grow deeper in our relationship with God, He wants more and more of our keys... until he has them all. Are there rooms in which you have not given up control? I know I have them. It's hard giving up control when I have taken control so often. I gave Him my future... but could I trust Him with my love life? Getting closer to God made me realise that I needed to give full control over to God. So I did it. I gave God the keys... If He wants me to date.... then I shall... If He has singleness destined for me... then I am going to have to get used to that. It scares me that He mght want me to be single... I've dreamed of having a family of my own for so long that it was hard to give that dream to God... and even now, I still have this urge to take it back... but giving up control has given me a freedom to embrace myself and to follow what God has planned for my life.

"If God's plan and purpose for you is marriage, then the person you will one day marry is alive and wandering the earth" (p. 73)

Such an interesting thought. Keeping that thought in mind, it makes me wonder if God has marriage in my future. Am I keeping myself pure for him? Is he doing the same for me?

When (or if) i start dating, I am kind of old fashion. I don't want to date just anyone... I don't want to just date for the sake of dating. I don't want a string of guys in my past... The only guy i ever want to date is my future husband. How cool would it be if I was able to give my first kiss to my husband... actually all of my firsts... I think that would make him feel honoured. "As women, we are designed to give ourselves completely-emotionally and physical-to one man. And we have a deep need to be loved and cherished for a lifetime by the man to whom we give that gift."

"Far more important than what our future spouce thinks or is feels is what our King thinks and feels. Does He feel sorrowful as He watches our lives? Or does He feel honoured and adored by the way we are living?"

Proverbs 31, enough said.

"If God is preparing you to make an impact on this world for His kingdom, chances are He will take you through a season of solitude. This is a season when you learn that you can't lean upon anyone but Him for your confidence and when you gain the strength to stand alone even when no one else stands with you."

This hit hard. I'm not opposed to being single, but the last part really struck ground. It's in this season that I learn that I can't lean on anyone but Him. With what's going on in this season, I have had a large learning curve. My comfort zone has been taken away, close friends are half-way around the world, and I'm following God into ministry. I'm still learning to rely on God for all things, especially the loneliness... but I'm learning.

"Words of respect transform mere men inot superheroes. So whether it is sqeezing his muscles, showing interest in his rock collection, or calling him your hero, a dash of tenderness in the way you treat a man means the difference between being married to a gentle-man or a gingerbread-man. One is heroic and tender; the other is stale and cut out of the same mold as the rest of them."

The book takes a turn and talks about the role of parents in a relationship. They should be honoured in the relationship. Our parents know us the best and when it comes to us starting relationships, they have vital information about us. They can teach our future spouces how to love us and romance us. My relationship with my father is key. I respect my father enough to get his opinion on whomever God brings into my life.

Let me leave you with this quote: "Our love-hungry generation is desperately searching for the 'beautiful side of love.' But it is not found in either having sex or abstaining from sex. The 'sweeter song' is Jesus, in all His fullness, all His love, all His beauty, all His grace, and all His Majesty."

I reccomend that you read the book. 'When God writes your love story" by Eric & Leslie Ludy

Wallflower to Social Butterfly?

The more you learn about me, the more I feel that God is working.

If you don't know, I used to be a 'wallflower'. I would be so uncomfortable in large groups of people that I would sit in a corner (not talking to anyone) and people watch. Or worse. Not proud of it, but there have been a few instances where I have literally run in the opposite direction. I would get part way to an event (sometimes even make it through the doors), get scared/highly uncomfortable and run. There, I've said it. Still want to read? It's going to be a good one. :) Going back to my first sentence this post, the more you learn about me, the more I feel that God is working. God has definitely been pushing and shoving me out of my extremely small comfort zone this year. When I am in front of my kids (church/work kids) it's a different story... if you have ever seen me with them... you would understand. I love being with them. I can be as crazy as I want to be and when I do it for the kids... nothing else matters. I don't care what others think when it comes to the kids. My kids have called me crazy, nuts, etc... but they have fun and learn in the process.
When it comes to being around people my own age, it's a different story. I can probably give you a long and boring story about how I came to be this way... but I won't. It doesn't matter. The only part that does, is how God has been pushing and shoving me out of my comfort zone. I had tried going to GIFT a few times in the last few years, but was not brave enough to go out of my comfort zone. I really liked the bubble I had created for myself; my small group of friends at school, family, and a few people who worked in the children's ministry at church. I didn't really feel the need to break out of that bubble and get to know others. It was not until this past year that God really started to shove me out of my zone. He told me that this was going to be the year that I did it. With Him at my side, He was going to break open the bubble I had created. I started going to GIFT regularly and even joined the church choir. It was hard at first, and don't get me wrong, it still can be. I wanted to run often, more than people would ever realize. I told myself all I had to do was go a few times and then I would never have to go back, but I kept going. I found that with God at my side... I could handle anything. I'm still not perfect, but I'm a lot better at this social thing than I used to be. I no longer want to run away from Gift or other social engagements... but find that I now want to go! I have come to the realization that it was the Devil who put this fear into me and I missed out on so much by not going to functions. I would have missed out on having a lot of amazing people in my life. You may not know what kind of impact you have had on me and helping God burst my small bubble... but you have. Have I come full circle to be a social butterfly? No I have not, but neither am I the girl in the corner with a desire to run. God still has to shove me out of my comfort zone at times... but with each circumstance, it gets easier. I know that I will always have God at my side and with Him, all things are possible.

:D

So, this past week I went home to visit my family. My brother and his wife became parents on June 16th to a beautiful baby girl. It was one of the best things ever! I am so proud to be an aunt!!! But this post is not about that...
I got into AMBROSE!!! I got into SEMINARY!!! How cool is that??? On June 10th, I got an e-mail from Ambrose Stating that I got into Seminary!!! I'm so excited!!! I also have put in my rejectiopn letter to King's. How cool is that? God is so faithful!

and yet...

It's been one month since I informed those of you who read my blog about what God is doing in my life. What a month it has been. I realised the other day that it's only been about 45-50 days since I made the decision to listen to God and go become a children's pastor. There has been so much prayer and reading my bible and researching into becoming a children's pastor... its been a crazy time. When I wasn't first accepted into Kings, I was furious. In all directions... including at God. But I slowly started to realize that if I wasn't willing to follow God in all areas of my life... then what did my faith mean? If I wasn't willing to follow God, then my faith meant nothing to me and it didnt matter what I was going to do... That scared me. I always believed that my faith was good enough to get me through... but when it came down to it... how much did I believe? Was I willing to risk everything I had ever worked for to follow God and live out my life in his plan. The answer is YES. I am willing to risk everything and follow God into ministry. It scares me that I will be going into ministry and getting my masters... It was nothing I was ever going to do. But then, God has been working his path into my life the last few years and preparing me for ministry.
As I have had time to look back at the last few years... events that seemed really random make sense and would have landed me in a far different path than where I am today.
The big one... is taking this year off. When I decided to take this year off to work and volunteer with my church... it was just to relax my brain after 4 long years of university... I wanted to give myself some time to relax and to figure out what I wanted in life. Until my last year, I never wanted to take a year off. Even starting my last year, I was going to go straight into Education. During september, I decided I needed a year. It was about that time that I decided to go into missions. During my year off, I was going to go to Kenya and work there for 8 months. That was going to be my year off. Get out of this country and work with the africans... It was all set to go. I was accepted to go with African Inland Missions (AIM) and had all my paperwork in order. All I needed to do was get my imunisations and pass their medical (which entailed my home doctor filling out paperwork and faxing it to them). I got a call one day telling me that I was next on the list for an assignment in Kenya... things were really looking up!! I was getting so excited to go and making lists of everthing I would have to do before going. Then I got an e-mail from AIM's doctor telling me that due to my medical history, he was not going to clear me to go. (For those who don't know, I have Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism. It's a disease I will have to live with for the rest of my life). I really struggled with not going... my year off seemed kind of pointless but I did it anyways... It was still the best decision I could have made.
So things started happening and we come to after I had made the decision to go to Ambrose. (If you missed this part of the story... scroll down about 2-3 posts). I finally applied on May 18 in the morning before work. Put my application in and then went to work. That day, I worked 1-8 and by the time I got home and had had supper, it was after nine. Less than 12 hours after I had applied to Ambrose and decided that enough was enough and I needed to stop thinking about applying and just go for it... I got into King's. I got into the Education program I had originally applied for... before the whirlwind started. At this point... I was confused and flustered... I was totally thrown back and was shocked. I got into the program that I wanted. O.K... but now what? I think that it was ironic that I got into King's LESS THAN 12 hours AFTER I applied to Ambrose... I feel that God is asking me if I am really going to follow him or go after what I want. "Here is what you want. You were faithful to me in applying to Ambrose...I am giving you an out. Are you going to take it or are you going to follow me into the unknown? Are you still willing to follow me when your dream is right in front of you or are you going to get scared and go this path."
Don't get me wrong... I'm scared. I thought I had my life all planned out (at least a general path of where I wanted to go) but now, God is leading me in another direction and it scares me because I don't know where it leads. I'm stepping out in faith and learning to rely on God for everything I need. Only He knows my next step and is only showing me what I can handle. It's scary, but yet, exciting. God is Amazing!

Oh those kids...

I tell ya, those kids I work with are definitely interesting. They ask the strangest questions... and I'm not always sure how to answer them. They were sitting at dinner and the conversation turned to how many kids were at the program last week. The girls were all in this conversation and kept at me for a while...
Last nights conversation went as follows...

Me: I had seven kids there.
A: You have seven kids?!?!?! Really? Can they come?
Me: At the program we had seven kids... I personally don't have kids.
A: But why don't you have kids?
Me: Because I'm not married...
A: But why not?
Me: Because I'm not dating anyone...
A: Why not?
Me: Because I'm still single...
A: But you are old and should be married and have kids of your own...

Oh the kids I work with... The phrase "why not" is the worst question to get... it made this conversation very interesting...

Oh, those wonderful students...

So this month, I am teaching preschool for one of our teachers. She's on vacation. So I get the privilege of teaching her students. For the most part, I really enjoy teaching her students... they are great kids... and I can't complain about the teaching part.
So this afternoon, I had a full class. One of the students just turned 3 and is newer to the program. He came up to me and told me today that he thought I was nice. awwww.... i know... i feel special! He then came up again a bit later and asked:
"are you a girl?"
"ummm... yes i am..."
(random things like that are to be expected when teaching preschoolers) he then proceeded to go back and do a floor activity. a little while later he comes back and tells me that:
"all girls wear glasses."
"ummm.... but what about me? I'm a girl, and I don't wear glasses...."
"oh........."
"and what about the other 2 girls in the class? They don't wear glasses either..."
"oh................"
he then went back to the floor. Gotta love 3 year old's logic... :)

God is amazing.

God is amazing. What can I say?
Our church has been on this sermon journey called "Killing a dream, raising a future." It's been the topic for the last while and God is really speaking to me through it.
A bit of context before I get to the good stuff. ;)
As I was growing up in my parents home and still in high school etc... I was always told that I would make an amazing teacher. I volunteered in the church and was highly involved in my school. So that is where I aimed my sights, as an elementary school teacher. I decided that I wanted to pursue music (I really was inspired by my music teachers) but after first year, I knew that music was not for me... at least not in a degree form. I don't regret the classes I took or the time spent on fine tuning my gifts and abilities in music. I love playing music... just not enough to make it my career. :) So I changed my plans once again. I decided to pursue a degree in History. How boring you might think... studying dead people and times that don't have any relevancy to our lives. I tend to disagree with that statement... but that's a topic for another day. :) I really enjoyed my time studying history and learning about the world in its entirety. I got to learn about other social groups and learn about people who helped shape our world into what it is today. When I graduated last year, I decided to take a year off and let my brain relax a bit before pursuing another degree in education. I also wanted to make sure that teaching was where I wanted to end up. Last summer, I toyed with the idea that I might take an online certificate in children's ministry and work in a church sometime... but I never did pursue it... I just kinda let is slide onto the back burner so to speak... :) It was always in the back of my mind... but I never really gave it much thought... until the pot started to boil over and it was all I could think of. What a way for God to get my attention.
So this year, I applied to the Ed program and surprise, surprise, I got my interview. I rocked that interview... or so at least I though so. I felt really good about getting in and with my experience, I had no doubt that I would make it. I was so sure of myself... I was getting ahead of God. So when the day came that I was going to hear about getting in... I was really excited. I kept waiting for my phone call... and none came. It was slightly wierd... but it being Kings... I gave them a few days thinking that they had a lot of people to call and maybe got buzy... When I called the school later the next week, they told me that they had delayed my application. I was supposed to receive a letter in the next couple of days that would explain further. I was shocked, angry, and furious. I didn't know what to do. I was angry at God for not letting me in... I mean, this is what I had planned for my entire life (or at least a really long time) where elese was I supposed to go... my plans were not working out for me. But that pot on the back of the burner kept on slowly boiling and making itself known once again. I started questioning God and saying "Fine. If you are closing this door (of being a teacher) then you better give me something else to do." I slowly started to realise (and maybe you have too... did you catch all the I's in the last part? :D) that going into Ed was MY plan. I never did really consult God on what HE wanted for my life.
So back to the present... The sermon series was part of God's way of softly telling me that He was killing my dreams of being a teacher and raising up a vision far better then what I could EVER imagine. As I am diving deeper into my Bible trying to find out where God is leading... He is showing me slowly. I don't think I'm ready for the huge picture God has in store for me... but piece by piece, I'm learning to trust that in God's timing, I will become what He wants me to be and how He wants me to serve Him. When I realised that God's plan was much bigger than my meager plans of becoming an elementary teacher... my life started to change. I started praying that God's will for my life be done and that He help me abandon my plans for his vision. I also started to ask that He show my His next step for my life. I flat out told him that I was not ready to see the whole picture for my life... but I was ready to take the next step. His will, not mine.
So, here it is... I guess my secret will now be out. I'm feeling God leading me into Ministry. Remember a bit up the page where I talk about the pot on the back of my stove? Well... I'm feeling God leading me into Children's ministry. So I'm going to try and get into Ambrose for the fall and see if I can take my first and maybe other years up here in Edmonton instead of going down to Calgary. I don't feel like God is taking me out of Edmonton just quite yet. There is still stuff going on here that I am apart of and where my ministry and passions currently lie. There, my big secret is out for the world to read. This is not for sure yet, but if this is where God is leading, then I am more than willing to follow His direction and see where it leads.
Remember the sermon title I was talking about? "Killing a dream and Raising a Future" Well, God speaks to me sometimes through the strangest things. But, isn't He amazing? :D

An adoring student.

You know what? I love my students! They are the bestest! My student today J. is awsome! He has had a lot of family problems these past few weeks. So i've been trying to keep things happy and interesting at my table. He also has a lot of problems with his writing. His paragraphs are terrible, no matter how much detail he has. They are very jagged. No lie. Today, one of his writing assignments told him he needed to describe the physical characteristics of his favourite cartoon. He asked me if he could do one of his favourite people instead because he doesnt watch cartoons. So I let him. He started with the details they asked for... and at the same time i had J. i also had H. at my table. She needed some help with her reading. While i was helping her, i noticed that J. kept looking at me. Now, sitting at a rectangular table... i do have to continueously be able to watch all three kids (if i am teaching a full table - if not, then one or two) at the same time. So i dont know if he knew i was watching him while helping her. So when he finished, he had to write his paragraph describing this person. As usual, after our students edit their own work, we as teachers have to edit it. As i was reading it, it described me to a T. No lie. I'm pretty sure that he was describing me when he wrote about one of his favourite people. When I asked who he was refering to, he got all secretive and would not tell me about it. Knowing J. he would have told me who it was... I got another teacher to read it after and tell me what they think and she said it was me to a T. Considering that he was very nice in his description and had some very great describing words... What can I say... He is one of my favourite students!

Favourite sayings.

My students really do say the funniest things... sometimes i don't know where they get these things... or how to take them sometimes...

Child one: I was chewing gum while teaching...and my grade one student said this...
"Your breath smells good."

Child two: This kid was a jerk the one day... and not listening... and not doing what he was supposed to be doing... one day he came in and told me this.
"My mom and I have a new deal."
"Oh whats that?"
" I'm not allowed to be a little S--- anymore!"
His words not mine.

Child Three: This isn't one of my students, but is one of my kids that i work with at church...
It was a crazy night and a fun one...
"You are a crazy coconut!"

my story.

the past few weeks ive been hearing about other people and what their story is. by their story i mean what God has been teaching them and how he has changed their lives. last night at gift, our speaker told us her story. i dont think i could imagine going through what she had to, but through her story, i was challenged. ive been asked to share my story before, but i dont think ive shared it willingly before. maybe its time i do. who knows... maybe someone i know will benifit from hearing my story.

God has also been trying to teach me how to put myself out there and not be the 'wallflower' anymore. (this has been an on going lesson) ive always been the quiet girl in the corner. im often extremely uncomfortable in social settings, even when im with my friends. i can be uncomfortable to the degree that i fidgit and get really uncomfortable and want to run away in the opposite direction. (im different when im in front of a group of kids than with my own peers). i dont know why i get the urge to run away... but i do. i made a decision this year that i would try to be committed to Gift. going almost weekly and just try to get myself out of my comfort zone. as im slowly getting to know people it gets scary. what if they dont like me? how do i make new friends when i have not a whole lot in common with them? the best way to put it is that i get scared. this fear that i get when i am forced (not always unwillingly, sometimes i force myself) to go out of my comfort zone has stopped me from doing things i really wanted to do. i have been hurt by putting myself out there more often then not. its been a hard lesson to learn... and i still struggle with it. its something i (through God) and trying to change. its not something that is going to change overnight. but maybe one day i wont have this fear of putting myself out there. i was reminded yesterday that i am a daughter to my heavenly father. he wraps his arms around me to comfort me and sometimes i feel his arms around me, comforting me. he cries when i cry. my pain is his pain.
my story might just one day help others. if only i take a step of faith and trust God to care for me when i put myself out there.

Past Weekend!

So, this past weekend I attended Breakforth. It was an amazing weekend. I don't remember the last time that I experienced what I experienced. Breakforth was a gift from God. I've been struggling for a long time with who I am and what I am supposed to do with my life. I've been trying to do things on my own with no help from God. I'm an independent women and was independent child. I always wanted to do things on my own and never wanted help. I still struggle with this. This weekend, I went expecting to learn lots about how to better our children's ministry and how to be better leaders. What I learned was something totally different. Yes I learned a lot about how we could better our children's ministry and how we can help our kids develop a better relationship with God. In order to do this, God had been prodding me to renew my relationship with Him.
Let me explain. I grew up in a christian home and became a believer at a young age. Growing up, i never really got into the habit of having a living relationship with him. It was highs and lows, but never consistent. I was always jealous of others who said they heard from God and that he spoke to them. People who had sincere worship when worshipping and who were real. I wanted what they had. I'm a christian, but I wasnt having a relationship with God.
Back to the present. Breakforth. I had felt a tugging for a while, but didnt know what it was. I've been trying to get back to God, but on my own, it wasnt working. I was wondering how I do it and what my relationship is to God. I know that I am his child, but it never really stuck that God would call me his child.
During Saturday evenings main session, I went to a place where I cried out to God. I didnt want to do this anymore. I didnt want be far from God. I wanted to go back to him and renew my relationship with him. I was crying through the session and my heart was aching. We stayed for the 'Integrety Night of Worship' and thats when it happened. We were singing with some of the biggest bands ever and I kept hearing the words "MY Child." I felt like I needed to grab some paper and just write. I didn't know what I was writing until I was finished. When I read it, it was beautiful and a love letter. To me. From God. God took time to write to me. I'm not going to tell you what he wrote, but it changed me. God spoke to me. How cool is that?

grrr...

sometimes it almost feels as thought its not worth it to stay where im working. the people i love working with have left, are going to leave, or are debating on whether they should leave. dont get me wrong, i totally believe in the company and all that they stand for... but my centre director is not the greatest. he is very unorganized... and i sometimes wonder if he knows just what exactly is going on in his business. we have multiple people in charge of different things and its crazy. there isnt much communication going on and that makes it hard. things are crazy and i dont know if they will calm down to where everyone knows whats going on and things run smoothly. if i could go into detail... i would. but to not give and names/places... you just have to bear with me as i complain.
is there some sort of regulation that mandates raises? i have been with this company for almost 1.5 years and have never gotten a raise... my position has even changed to include more... but im still being paid the starting wage. how fair is that? but on the other hand... i love my job and i LOVE my students! they make it worth while to work there with them.
grrr....