Past Weekend!

So, this past weekend I attended Breakforth. It was an amazing weekend. I don't remember the last time that I experienced what I experienced. Breakforth was a gift from God. I've been struggling for a long time with who I am and what I am supposed to do with my life. I've been trying to do things on my own with no help from God. I'm an independent women and was independent child. I always wanted to do things on my own and never wanted help. I still struggle with this. This weekend, I went expecting to learn lots about how to better our children's ministry and how to be better leaders. What I learned was something totally different. Yes I learned a lot about how we could better our children's ministry and how we can help our kids develop a better relationship with God. In order to do this, God had been prodding me to renew my relationship with Him.
Let me explain. I grew up in a christian home and became a believer at a young age. Growing up, i never really got into the habit of having a living relationship with him. It was highs and lows, but never consistent. I was always jealous of others who said they heard from God and that he spoke to them. People who had sincere worship when worshipping and who were real. I wanted what they had. I'm a christian, but I wasnt having a relationship with God.
Back to the present. Breakforth. I had felt a tugging for a while, but didnt know what it was. I've been trying to get back to God, but on my own, it wasnt working. I was wondering how I do it and what my relationship is to God. I know that I am his child, but it never really stuck that God would call me his child.
During Saturday evenings main session, I went to a place where I cried out to God. I didnt want to do this anymore. I didnt want be far from God. I wanted to go back to him and renew my relationship with him. I was crying through the session and my heart was aching. We stayed for the 'Integrety Night of Worship' and thats when it happened. We were singing with some of the biggest bands ever and I kept hearing the words "MY Child." I felt like I needed to grab some paper and just write. I didn't know what I was writing until I was finished. When I read it, it was beautiful and a love letter. To me. From God. God took time to write to me. I'm not going to tell you what he wrote, but it changed me. God spoke to me. How cool is that?

grrr...

sometimes it almost feels as thought its not worth it to stay where im working. the people i love working with have left, are going to leave, or are debating on whether they should leave. dont get me wrong, i totally believe in the company and all that they stand for... but my centre director is not the greatest. he is very unorganized... and i sometimes wonder if he knows just what exactly is going on in his business. we have multiple people in charge of different things and its crazy. there isnt much communication going on and that makes it hard. things are crazy and i dont know if they will calm down to where everyone knows whats going on and things run smoothly. if i could go into detail... i would. but to not give and names/places... you just have to bear with me as i complain.
is there some sort of regulation that mandates raises? i have been with this company for almost 1.5 years and have never gotten a raise... my position has even changed to include more... but im still being paid the starting wage. how fair is that? but on the other hand... i love my job and i LOVE my students! they make it worth while to work there with them.
grrr....